the title is taken from a Filipino game show translated to "are you game?" well that mantra was presented to us in a major way yesterday during round 1 of the playoffs. suffice it to say we didn't win, and now, about 10 hours after the loss, i feel the need to air out.
i've come a long way from that optimistic overweight out of sync player that came into the season with the heaviest heart on the team. to be able to step back on to the court a week after losing my mom was a big step, and in retrospect was the easiest step because i allowed myself to mourn, and put life in perspective that life is precious, and supersedes anything material.
yet winning compensated for everything: deficiency in team chemistry, getting outplayed by a more disciplined bronze team during scrimmages, lack of players committing to practice and the team. however i've learned through adversity, true colors shine through good & bad. though true leaders stepped up, passion arose, shamefully the ME attitudes arose as well.
i have never been on a team where someone quit "during" a game just cuz they didn't get touches... only to come back and "not only" not have the balls to apologize, but complain during the game of no touches. also recognize the teammate so determined to dribble the ball, they would lash out at anyone who would threaten his "extension of control".
in these 2 instances, they didn't invest time to practice and to the team, and in a perfect world, they shouldn't be complaining about their return on investment "ROI". but even greater, all they've had to worry about so far in life is having money for food, myspace, and waiting in line for new Jordans to come out.
if anyone has a right to complain about their "ROI", it's the player who comes to practice every sunday, works hard to get better by listening, learning, and building chemistry. those guys have every right to complain but i've seen that they're the most humble out there: they keep pressing, and wait til their # is called because they come to play & go out there simply for the love of the game.
here's to you guys that your ROI will pay you back many times over the longer you keep the faith.
i like the WNBA "expect great" campaign: after a 2 year layover from playoffs, we were expected to do great: we had a ready made team with talent, depth, and hunger. ultimately like the 2004 USA team, you can't ad-hoc a team and "expect great". look at puerto rico, argentina, those guys don't have star power like team usa, but they play together, and in the words of one of my favorite emerging team leaders, "we win as a team, lose as a team!"
i am looking down the road at ccu 2009: my goal is to be a part of the process of assembling the group of guys who are willing to table their individual agendas for one team goal. if i ran it as My business, i wouldn't blink at taking on someone who has passion and team mentality over someone with more talent but an individual agenda who's on the outside looking in (in my business).
I want to be a part of a Herb Brooks team, and if i can do that, i'd be more than inclined to be designated "Steve Janaszak"
my love of the game is stronger than ever: though my team lost the game, i walk off the court a champion by virtue of playing with grace, surviving the last 18 months of adversity, and looking forward ahead... rc
the last 12 months have been the hardest, most enduring years i've ever experienced: my aunt passed away in june 07, snickers died august, my mom march 08, and now... clancy; the dog i didn't want at first but fell in love with instantly has passed away. he always had a heart murmur but the pain of an enlarged heart became so unbearable, the humane thing to do was to set him free.
relations with my sister since my mom's death have sucked, and i was disappointed i wasn't informed about clancy until i came home today. perhaps there is an "out of sight, out of mind" state of mind when it comes to me being informed, but action needed to be taken with clancy, and though i am not butt hurt over not being in the loop, in retrospect i wish i knew.
however in my heart i knew something was up; a gut feeling if you will... i was watching vh1's "i love the new millennium" marathon and saw the sarah mclaughlin "arms of the angel" commercials about pets and i thought of my dog, and i replayed my mom's stroke, yet put clancy in the part of my mom. this was about the same time as he was rushed to the er (1am)... it's eerie, but i felt like i knew he was gone.
i haven't had a chance to grieve yet: i cried a little to teng, tried to rest for my game, but all i could think about was getting ready for the game, wearing "red" to honor my mom & now my dog who were both cut down because of cardiovascular disease.
though i didn't think the last time i saw him was goodbye, i'm at peace knowing he was in a lot of pain, and as i look back at 15 years of his life, i am glad that we were able to give him a loving home, and do him right by setting him free.
as heavy hearted as i am, what's keeping me sane and strong are my faith, teng, work, basketball. speaking of which, we're 3-0 after tonite's nail biting win... another game, another last second shot.
as i'm blogging, i'm thinking we're like the show "Hang Time" where every episode, the game is won by a last second shot. i'm lol'ing cuz this blog will go on facebook rss and i have danso gordon (who played Silk hayes) on my buddy list. i hope you're reading this danso cuz my season is sooo art imitating life... and have you seen the Nationwide insurance commercial with Nigel Gibbs? got a kicker out of the door popping out, and i swear he was a lot skinnier when he played your dad in that gun episode.
i've played on many teams: a couple that went to the championship game, a team that lost all our games, a team that was playing in honor of a fallen friend, but this is the best team i've played on. this team has a bunch of great character guys who are great locker room presences. this team has a lot of positive voices, a lot of leaders, but most importantly, driven people who play hard and want to win. yvan, greg & avery were on last year's squad that didn't do too, however i feel this is the year that we'll be going places... we play the other undefeated team on thursday, yet the advantage is being a lower seed cuz you'll get to play more games lol
in honor of those who've passed this last year, i've whipped out the black ribbon on the #44 jersey: in addition to my loved ones, i want to honor the Bologna family who were killed in the road rage incident a couple weeks ago: its personal because Ben Huey knew mike, and dennis knew matthew. tragic because the deaths were so senseless.
work is awesome: i feel so blessed this opportunity opened up when it did... to be able to leave the cell phone game on my terms is a blessing fact i had a second chance to do that. i DO pray for my former coworkers because they've gone through drastic changes with that company; so drastic that the long term vets are pondering moving elsewhere. i have no problem talking about comcast as an employer: great benefits, work environment, culture. i'm glad to have landed this position before i said goodbye to my mom.
i will always be a mama's boy: keeping her in the loop of my whereabouts cuz i want to. i'm blessed that my relationship with my mom was strengthened when teng came along, and i'm blessed teng was there for me during my dark hour because she went through it too.
i'm scared for my sister: she's taking my mom's death very hard, and her depression manifests like the 9/11 widows (who were documented on Oprah) spending money to cope with the sadness; the new comfort food :( and now with the loss of clancy, i pray that she has a strong support system to help her cope.
last week i got 5 free eBay listings and it gave me the opportunity to sell my stuff, clear out my old inventory: DMP 6/11, treos, ATT Tilts; heck i even sold my Jordan rookie (and i'll have a funny story for you about that in a sec). i'm in that mindset where i'd rather have the cash than sitting inventory, and in perspective, i am turning dust collectors, pieces of cardboard with faces sealed in plastic into funds that will sustain me and what i need to get through the day.
making peace with my past has been my recent theme: you talk about starting a new chapter in my life, closing the previous chapters by saying goodbye to loved ones... well my funny story was i saw my first ex gf at the mall today and i remember the fight we had about getting the jordan rookie. so as i sold the card, said good bye, i laugh that i see her a few days i see the girl that vilified the purchase of the card. i said hi as she passed by but got the ol' brush off.. up until i heard clancy died, i was pretty butt hurt, but as i blog, i expected that reaction; undoubtedly i had a negative effect on her, and it's a shame that after 8 years you can't say hello, however to each their own.
i haven't blogged in a while, and i've been pretty insomniac'd the past couple days. it's about time to blog, and it helps me sleep at night knowing you're reading this, sharing my experience, and saying a lil prayer for me in support.
35 days left until my wedding, and i am counting the days, happy to share it with you whether you're at Rockefeller with us or not. i've delegated my best man & groomsman to throw me a bachelor party, and i'm looking forward to what they have up their sleeve. as soon as i know, you'll know and if you meet the required age, you're in. i'm gunning for dinner & painting SF red, so we can get more guys together. i want a suite at an sf hotel cuz i'm going to be party'd out. if teng can get a suite, I get a suite ;)... rc
Thank you ALL for your prayers, support, showing up to my mom's wake and funeral: I am very overwhelmed by the turnout. It showed that she had an impact on many lives directly, and indirectly.
if i were given a chance to speak on behalf of my mom, i would've hit these main points:
never prepared to bury a loved one
self sacrifice so vicky & i could stand on our own 2 feet
legacy behind to honor the past, love the present, prepare for the future
i will laugh how my mom's passing happened during my work hiatus & teng's spring break: it's like my mom to not bother anyone with her needs. selfless to the end, i Will miss her and she & teng's mom will be in the forefront as they get a birds eye view of our wedding
it was emotional to come back to church last sunday, but being with the church family and to open up on what's happened, my fears and anxieties started the healing process. i did get teary eyed as a chinese funeral passed through Stockton street: ironic since i had seen "The corruptor" the night before.
it was good to be back at basketball practice, yet dying on drills is the reality check that i am WAY out of shape. i'm glad that i'll have the chance to play my way back into shape and lose the weight.
the first practice was a good one: we'll learn to play together, but there Is talent top down. i had fun running with the guys: we gelled together, good spacing, crisp passing, and veteran experience kicked in.
our unit had yvan running point and i will tell you he's smart, knows how to get the ball in the right places, chris chan is a good big man passer, patient in letting the plays develop. we have a few 6 footers and height's always a welcome addition.
i am very excited to run with these guys, i know we can be very completive. though i've been away for 2 years, my competitive spirit is as strong as the day i walked off that playoff loss back in 2005. i am looking forward to making a positive contribution to the team by any means possible.
on a lighter note, i've had a chance to use a few "As Seen on TV" items, and i'm excited to share with you how they work:
pedegg: a manual foot filer that files away dead skin on feet. very effective, and leaves a smooth to the touch feel, and $10 at Walgreens is a heckuva deal
perfect pushup: i got the $20 walmart version and got the training dvd through a friend and that's comparable to the $40 on tv version is much well built with metal bearings, etc. the $40 may benefit a heavier person, however the $20 version can benefit a 200 pounder or less
tobi steamer: i've read many bad reviews, but holy cow it Does work!!! the steam boils fast, and works like a professional steamer. i got this through a local seller on ebay, and i hope they come to the stores. my advice for the "haters", watch and mimic what the people do in the infomercial (ie don't put your hand behind the shirt as seam is running through cuz steam IS hot!!!)
i need to get back home and run errands in SF... so much on my plate as well, file my taxes, get my work clothes ready, i Will be starting orientation/training on monday... i'm excited to be back working... rc
in less than 10 hours, there will be a wake service for my mom. u know, i still haven't come to terms with what happened... i mean i was soo full of steam when she was alive and even when there wasn't any hope, i was at task just trying to get things in order.
a week later, i've regressed, cocooned away from reality. i've been holed up at teng's place waiting for training at comcast, i haven't been to my parent's house since the day she died.
these days, i don't fear death.. i went on a junk food binge today to spite the establishment: my mom took care of herself after being diagnosed with diabetes; she lost the weight, cut down on the sodium, exercised more than teng and myself combined... it's no fair that she can do all that work for her life to be cut short when you have people who do less yet live to be 85
i'm very thankful for the outpouring love and care from friends: this is one of the darkest hours in my life and to know i have support, strength and hope through you, i can go on.
my job in keeping my mom's legacy alive has just begun: probate, property taxes, making sure my dad puts vic & i on the deed so we won't scramble if one of us meets with peril. i've stayed out of everything probably because my best is yet to come
to clarify, the wake will be today from 1pm-7pm @ skylawn memorial park in san mateo, funeral service is friday 1pm-3pm same location... driving directions are here
i miss her: she's one of my 3 important women in my life (next to vicky & teng)... i'm glad some of you had the opportunity to meet her, and for those who didn't have the chance, you would've loved her
i didn't tell many of my friends about where the service is: perhaps i should, i don't want them to see me in my darkest hour at my weakest... however it wouldn't be too bad to have friends ya kno? perhaps its not too late to let people know... rc
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