superrc's Xanga

game ka na ba we were not...

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 13:05:27 GMT

the title is taken from a Filipino game show translated to "are you game?" well that mantra was presented to us in a major way yesterday during round 1 of the playoffs. suffice it to say we didn't win, and now, about 10 hours after the loss, i feel the need to air out.

i've come a long way from that optimistic overweight out of sync player that came into the season with the heaviest heart on the team. to be able to step back on to the court a week after losing my mom was a big step, and in retrospect was the easiest step because i allowed myself to mourn, and put life in perspective that life is precious, and supersedes anything material.

yet winning compensated for everything: deficiency in team chemistry, getting outplayed by a more disciplined bronze team during scrimmages, lack of players committing to practice and the team. however i've learned through adversity, true colors shine through good & bad. though true leaders stepped up, passion arose, shamefully the ME attitudes arose as well.

i have never been on a team where someone quit "during" a game just cuz they didn't get touches... only to come back and "not only" not have the balls to apologize, but complain during the game of no touches. also recognize the teammate so determined to dribble the ball, they would lash out at anyone who would threaten his "extension of control".

in these 2 instances, they didn't invest time to practice and to the team, and in a perfect world, they shouldn't be complaining about their return on investment "ROI". but even greater, all they've had to worry about so far in life is having money for food, myspace, and waiting in line for new Jordans to come out.

if anyone has a right to complain about their "ROI", it's the player who comes to practice every sunday, works hard to get better by listening, learning, and building chemistry. those guys have every right to complain but i've seen that they're the most humble out there: they keep pressing, and wait til their # is called because they come to play & go out there simply for the love of the game.

here's to you guys that your ROI will pay you back many times over the longer you keep the faith.

i like the WNBA "expect great" campaign: after a 2 year layover from playoffs, we were expected to do great: we had a ready made team with talent, depth, and hunger. ultimately like the 2004 USA team, you can't ad-hoc a team and "expect great". look at puerto rico, argentina, those guys don't have star power like team usa, but they play together, and in the words of one of my favorite emerging team leaders, "we win as a team, lose as a team!"

i am looking down the road at ccu 2009: my goal is to be a part of the process of assembling the group of guys who are willing to table their individual agendas for one team goal. if i ran it as My business, i wouldn't blink at taking on someone who has passion and team mentality over someone with more talent but an individual agenda who's on the outside looking in (in my business).

I want to be a part of a Herb Brooks team, and if i can do that, i'd be more than inclined to be designated "Steve Janaszak"

my love of the game is stronger than ever: though my team lost the game, i walk off the court a champion by virtue of playing with grace, surviving the last 18 months of adversity, and looking forward ahead... rc

the toughest past 12 months...

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 09:55:31 GMT

the last 12 months have been the hardest, most enduring years i've ever experienced: my aunt passed away in june 07, snickers died august, my mom march 08, and now... clancy; the dog i didn't want at first but fell in love with instantly has passed away. he always had a heart murmur but the pain of an enlarged heart became so unbearable, the humane thing to do was to set him free.

relations with my sister since my mom's death have sucked, and i was disappointed i wasn't informed about clancy until i came home today. perhaps there is an "out of sight, out of mind" state of mind when it comes to me being informed, but action needed to be taken with clancy, and though i am not butt hurt over not being in the loop, in retrospect i wish i knew.

however in my heart i knew something was up; a gut feeling if you will... i was watching vh1's "i love the new millennium" marathon and saw the sarah mclaughlin "arms of the angel" commercials about pets and i thought of my dog, and i replayed my mom's stroke, yet put clancy in the part of my mom. this was about the same time as he was rushed to the er (1am)... it's eerie, but i felt like i knew he was gone.

i haven't had a chance to grieve yet: i cried a little to teng, tried to rest for my game, but all i could think about was getting ready for the game, wearing "red" to honor my mom & now my dog who were both cut down because of cardiovascular disease.

though i didn't think the last time i saw him was goodbye, i'm at peace knowing he was in a lot of pain, and as i look back at 15 years of his life, i am glad that we were able to give him a loving home, and do him right by setting him free.

as heavy hearted as i am, what's keeping me sane and strong are my faith, teng, work, basketball. speaking of which, we're 3-0 after tonite's nail biting win... another game, another last second shot.

as i'm blogging, i'm thinking we're like the show "Hang Time" where every episode, the game is won by a last second shot. i'm lol'ing cuz this blog will go on facebook rss and i have danso gordon (who played Silk hayes) on my buddy list. i hope you're reading this danso cuz my season is sooo art imitating life... and have you seen the Nationwide insurance commercial with Nigel Gibbs? got a kicker out of the door popping out, and i swear he was a lot skinnier when he played your dad in that gun episode.

i've played on many teams: a couple that went to the championship game, a team that lost all our games, a team that was playing in honor of a fallen friend, but this is the best team i've played on. this team has a bunch of great character guys who are great locker room presences. this team has a lot of positive voices, a lot of leaders, but most importantly, driven people who play hard and want to win. yvan, greg & avery were on last year's squad that didn't do too, however i feel this is the year that we'll be going places... we play the other undefeated team on thursday, yet the advantage is being a lower seed cuz you'll get to play more games lol

in honor of those who've passed this last year, i've whipped out the black ribbon on the #44 jersey: in addition to my loved ones, i want to honor the Bologna family who were killed in the road rage incident a couple weeks ago: its personal because Ben Huey knew mike, and dennis knew matthew. tragic because the deaths were so senseless.

work is awesome: i feel so blessed this opportunity opened up when it did... to be able to leave the cell phone game on my terms is a blessing fact i had a second chance to do that. i DO pray for my former coworkers because they've gone through drastic changes with that company; so drastic that the long term vets are pondering moving elsewhere. i have no problem talking about comcast as an employer: great benefits, work environment, culture. i'm glad to have landed this position before i said goodbye to my mom.

i will always be a mama's boy: keeping her in the loop of my whereabouts cuz i want to. i'm blessed that my relationship with my mom was strengthened when teng came along, and i'm blessed teng was there for me during my dark hour because she went through it too.

i'm scared for my sister: she's taking my mom's death very hard, and her depression manifests like the 9/11 widows (who were documented on Oprah) spending money to cope with the sadness; the new comfort food :( and now with the loss of clancy, i pray that she has a strong support system to help her cope.

last week i got 5 free eBay listings and it gave me the opportunity to sell my stuff, clear out my old inventory: DMP 6/11, treos, ATT Tilts; heck i even sold my Jordan rookie (and i'll have a funny story for you about that in a sec). i'm in that mindset where i'd rather have the cash than sitting inventory, and in perspective, i am turning dust collectors, pieces of cardboard with faces sealed in plastic into funds that will sustain me and what i need to get through the day.

making peace with my past has been my recent theme: you talk about starting a new chapter in my life, closing the previous chapters by saying goodbye to loved ones... well my funny story was i saw my first ex gf at the mall today and i remember the fight we had about getting the jordan rookie. so as i sold the card, said good bye, i laugh that i see her a few days i see the girl that vilified the purchase of the card. i said hi as she passed by but got the ol' brush off.. up until i heard clancy died, i was pretty butt hurt, but as i blog, i expected that reaction; undoubtedly i had a negative effect on her, and it's a shame that after 8 years you can't say hello, however to each their own.

i haven't blogged in a while, and i've been pretty insomniac'd the past couple days. it's about time to blog, and it helps me sleep at night knowing you're reading this, sharing my experience, and saying a lil prayer for me in support.

35 days left until my wedding, and i am counting the days, happy to share it with you whether you're at Rockefeller with us or not. i've delegated my best man & groomsman to throw me a bachelor party, and i'm looking forward to what they have up their sleeve. as soon as i know, you'll know and if you meet the required age, you're in. i'm gunning for dinner & painting SF red, so we can get more guys together. i want a suite at an sf hotel cuz i'm going to be party'd out. if teng can get a suite, I get a suite ;)... rc

the eulogy that never happened

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 09:36:49 GMT

Thank you ALL for your prayers, support, showing up to my mom's wake and funeral: I am very overwhelmed by the turnout. It showed that she had an impact on many lives directly, and indirectly.

if i were given a chance to speak on behalf of my mom, i would've hit these main points:

never prepared to bury a loved one
self sacrifice so vicky & i could stand on our own 2 feet
legacy behind to honor the past, love the present, prepare for the future

i will laugh how my mom's passing happened during my work hiatus & teng's spring break: it's like my mom to not bother anyone with her needs. selfless to the end, i Will miss her and she & teng's mom will be in the forefront as they get a birds eye view of our wedding

it was emotional to come back to church last sunday, but being with the church family and to open up on what's happened, my fears and anxieties started the healing process. i did get teary eyed as a chinese funeral passed through Stockton street: ironic since i had seen "The corruptor" the night before.

it was good to be back at basketball practice, yet dying on drills is the reality check that i am WAY out of shape. i'm glad that i'll have the chance to play my way back into shape and lose the weight.

the first practice was a good one: we'll learn to play together, but there Is talent top down. i had fun running with the guys: we gelled together, good spacing, crisp passing, and veteran experience kicked in.

our unit had yvan running point and i will tell you he's smart, knows how to get the ball in the right places, chris chan is a good big man passer, patient in letting the plays develop. we have a few 6 footers and height's always a welcome addition.

i am very excited to run with these guys, i know we can be very completive. though i've been away for 2 years, my competitive spirit is as strong as the day i walked off that playoff loss back in 2005. i am looking forward to making a positive contribution to the team by any means possible.

on a lighter note, i've had a chance to use a few "As Seen on TV" items, and i'm excited to share with you how they work:

pedegg: a manual foot filer that files away dead skin on feet. very effective, and leaves a smooth to the touch feel, and $10 at Walgreens is a heckuva deal
perfect pushup: i got the $20 walmart version and got the training dvd through a friend and that's comparable to the $40 on tv version is much well built with metal bearings, etc. the $40 may benefit a heavier person, however the $20 version can benefit a 200 pounder or less
tobi steamer: i've read many bad reviews, but holy cow it Does work!!! the steam boils fast, and works like a professional steamer. i got this through a local seller on ebay, and i hope they come to the stores. my advice for the "haters", watch and mimic what the people do in the infomercial (ie don't put your hand behind the shirt as seam is running through cuz steam IS hot!!!)

i need to get back home and run errands in SF... so much on my plate as well, file my taxes, get my work clothes ready, i Will be starting orientation/training on monday... i'm excited to be back working... rc

dreaded next few days...

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:33:52 GMT

in less than 10 hours, there will be a wake service for my mom. u know, i still haven't come to terms with what happened... i mean i was soo full of steam when she was alive and even when there wasn't any hope, i was at task just trying to get things in order.

a week later, i've regressed, cocooned away from reality. i've been holed up at teng's place waiting for training at comcast, i haven't been to my parent's house since the day she died.

these days, i don't fear death.. i went on a junk food binge today to spite the establishment: my mom took care of herself after being diagnosed with diabetes; she lost the weight, cut down on the sodium, exercised more than teng and myself combined... it's no fair that she can do all that work for her life to be cut short when you have people who do less yet live to be 85

i'm very thankful for the outpouring love and care from friends: this is one of the darkest hours in my life and to know i have support, strength and hope through you, i can go on.

my job in keeping my mom's legacy alive has just begun: probate, property taxes, making sure my dad puts vic & i on the deed so we won't scramble if one of us meets with peril. i've stayed out of everything probably because my best is yet to come

to clarify, the wake will be today from 1pm-7pm @ skylawn memorial park in san mateo, funeral service is friday 1pm-3pm same location... driving directions are here

i miss her: she's one of my 3 important women in my life (next to vicky & teng)... i'm glad some of you had the opportunity to meet her, and for those who didn't have the chance, you would've loved her

i didn't tell many of my friends about where the service is: perhaps i should, i don't want them to see me in my darkest hour at my weakest... however it wouldn't be too bad to have friends ya kno? perhaps its not too late to let people know... rc

Goodbye mom...

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 08:35:14 GMT

These are my first online comments since my mom’s passing. I’ve dreaded this day and I’ll have good and bad days… however now, I’ll bring you back to the beginning…

Saturday march 22 around 1:05am, my mom collapsed and suffered a stroke. My dad was there to stabilize her while he called me. I told him to call 911 and I did as well.

Next thing I was coming with Christy from Hercules to sf general coordinating with Vicky, my aunts, etc. the decision was made for the doctors to put a clot buster drug.

Unfortunately 24 hours later, she suffered a second massive stroke and here brain started to swell. The decision was made to cut open her skull so the brain could swell naturally. The surgery went textbook as the neurosurgeon said and it was a wait and see how much brain damage was done.

Another 24 hours later, the prognosis that I’ll never forget: massive brain damage, best case scenario, she’d be a vegetable (a la Terri Schiavo). The consensus is that we’d set her free cuz in reverse, we wouldn’t want to be left in that state.

We waited a few days to let family come in from so cal to say goodbye. Then march 27 at around 3:50pm in what’s described as one last great big sigh… my mom left us.

Looking back at this tragedy, I found a lot of good, a lot of bad, a lot of ugly. I took initiative to coordinate funeral arrangements, finances, lawyer, etc. my sister took care of the funeral arrangements with my aunts, and she’s gonna be laid to rest in a very glorious style in her Buddhist values.

The wake (I think) will be Thursday 1-7 @ skylawn memorial park in san mateo, funeral is Friday 1-3. Donations to a local charity would be something my mom would want in lieu of flowers...

Despite tragedy, I was still able to find hate, in my heart towards my father. My hurt comes from watching him just stand there on the sidelines as things are happening. No, my genuine rage comes from his consulting “less than trustworthy” characters to handle my mom's affairs: a ballroom partner, my half sister in law whom I don’t have a relationship with them? Come on now, are you trying to sway influence your way?

He hasn’t carried his weight neither: showing up at the funeral home 90 mins late, playing off the financial burden like “ok I’ll take care of it”, but when it comes time to paying up, he’s in the wind. Going out late, not answering his phone to make the important decisions is not an appropriate coping mechanism when you’re needed the most.

I lie in wait for my father to fail, so I can hang this as “another” failure in our lives. It sickens me that he has to be defensive; asserting himself that he’s “not after my mom’s money”. Of course the reality is vicky and I don’t trust him: we expect him to go after my mom's money and use it as reparations for failing his sons in his previous marriage

I learned a long time ago through adversity, true colors shine through. Vicky has been the most calm and strong person through all of this and I have a new respect for my sister. I my mom would say am very “emotional” and it helps because when we need to take care of business, I must shoot first, ask questions later.

I will tell you it’s interesting that people still talk to me like I’m 5 years old: I had to buck up and get info; damn me if I busted out “dude I’m not frickin’ 5 ok?”

The reality is my true disdain for my dad has shined through all of this: he's done nothing but BS his way through meetings, greiving, and helping. Why doesn't he just nut up and say "I don't have that kind of money to help, let me know what I can do to help?" Because he's an old proud man that has nothing but what ever little dignity he holds in his hand

I will miss my mom: she raised me to be strong, independent, but have a heart of gold. We will miss her at the wedding, but it’s nice that my mom and teng’s mom will be next to each other with the best seats in the house… rc

i've moved on...

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 06:42:16 GMT

as soon as i got the call friday... i was anxious, intense, ran the gauntlet of emotion. i went in today to get the official word:

Comcast has tendered me an offer letter to work for them.

granted the job is subject to a drug/background check: my worry is the minor jobs i didn't list on my resume, in which i can elaborate. i've fully disclosed everything, and am going to take the next steps to expedite my employment; next task, drug test.

this is a commissioned sales position, however the focus is 60/40 base/commission. this reminds me of the days at att corporate when a strong base salary combined with good commission made a very lucrative salary... i'll be going back to my old glory days, and i am looking forward to combine with christy's income and be a $100k couple...

resigning from my current job was tough because i feel a sense of loyalty and want to be noble and give 2 weeks notice. however the contract i signed with them my employment is "at will" so i could be terminated at anytime; the flip side is i could bounce at any time as well. moments like those to hell with loyalty and look out for "number 1"

yet i'm at peace: i walked away from the cell phone industry on my terms; something i wasn't allowed to do 4 1/2 years ago. i didn't want to be forced out of another job, and i could see the writing on the wall here. i have the luxury of having a 2 week vacation to take care of the drug test, plan for the wedding, most importantly recharge the batteries: teng and i are planning to go to san diego next week for her spring break... it should be fun.

thank all of you for your support and i'm going to be happy working for the #2 "best company to work for" in the bay area... rc

i'm back...

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 09:09:15 GMT

in the spirit of MJ's first comeback in 1994, it is official: i've submitted my paperwork to play in ccu 2008... i have really missed playing competitively, and sad that i've put on a bit of weight since then

why come back? these are the reasons i can think of (in no particular order):

miss the game
get in shape for my wedding
keep active now that i'm 30
go back to the sport i put so much into it
prove to myself i can still play this game with honor

the good is that i've had 2 years off, so i haven't worn my body thru a lot of stress... the bad news is i've put on more weight that it's a wash out cuz now i'll have to work harder to move with the weight.

3 1/2 months til our first game: i must get my workouts in and get into game shape.

it's time to be in the job market again: my resume is out there, and i've done a couple interviews... pray for me that this is going to be the opportunity that is gonna support me, and my future family.

my w2's last year made me rethink my current work situation, and proposing to teng created an urgency to be ready in a career that can support my family. i'm hopeful, but at the same time, i must remain humble until the dust settles, and an offer is on the table

still going to the chiropractor to work out the kinks from the car accident: it didn't seem that bad considering all the horror shots of major crashes. we got lucky, i'm just gonna continue the treatment as much as i can, and let the lawyer take care of this.. all in time

it's tough to be in a work situation that isn't a good fit: my stand at this time is that i'm on the payroll... and i must honor that contract until i'm signed with someone else.

my goodness how much i've matured thru the last few years thru humility, defeat, and resurrection. i'm eager to get back into the game, and to be with fcbc. it will be a great opportunity for me to reacquaint with old friends, and it's always nice to be a familiar face around the gym... rc

homeward bound

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 08:49:15 GMT

hopefully in 8 hours i'll be on a plane headed for home. this gusty wind was so bad faa grounded all planes. I hope we have an open pocket to fly out cuz I still got work and 2 days to meet budget.

what a great past couple days: I officially proposed to teng feb 13 1245am at the stratosphere observation deck. I had a few scenarios where I wanted to propose, but this was spontaneous, perfect for her, and that's what our relationship is all about.

we pigged thru buffets, bellagio tradition continued. didn't realize the wynn bufett was 40 per: ofc im bitchin cuz the guy cut us like a 24oz slab of prime rib Each; insult to injury was how hard it was to cut it up so didn't eat it all.

I neded the getaway: the state of flux @ work has been overwhelming, yet I return with a renewed sense of focus cuz tho I care about work, I won't let the drama consume me.

north vegas is a ghost town: all u have left is the strat, sahara, circus circus and riviera. losing stardust and frontier in 12 months is sad, empty, and shows the old school vegas I connect with is an endangered species.

teng made a great point that the og hotels are much more expensive to upkeep than building a new one. repairs after the monte carlo fire is 100 mil... crazy

thanks for the hospitality: our pleasure giving money to the slots... get u back next time... rc

Which (red)?

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 10:42:59 GMT

i was ignorant on which red mantra was for which cause:

the "Red Dress" pin is Go Red for women's heart disease sponsored by the american heart association and other corps.

the (&) red campaign was founded by bono and others to send funds for medicines for Aids patients in Africa.

feels good to know which is which: this is the new wave of charities and accessories: bracelet for Livestrong et al, ribbons for supporting our troops.

as marketable as these products are, i see it as we have so much in this country, it's nice to have these reminders to appreciate our lives because others are in peril. i wear the red dress pin because after my mom came outta heart surgery in the summer, its a symbol of the battle my mom has fought, a reminder that we should take care of ourselves cuz the heart is the central core of our bodies.

after seeing my w2 for 2007, i've come to terms that this will most likely be my last year in the cell phone game: i've had a great run and though i came back to something not as lucrative as i left in 2003, im now in a position to hold my head high, walk away on MY terms, and leaving my situation better than when i came in.

this is the most likely course, and it's all talk until after i say I DO: there is much job stability where i'm at right now... we are at optimum staffing and i've embraced my role now more than being the sore loser for not getting a store of my own.

thank u for all your support: please keep my family in your prayers: my dog, Clancy who's been with us for so long may have colon cancer... rc

finish strong...

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 07:50:31 GMT

please DO look at our wedding site and sign the book, we'd really appreciate it:

on to the story: january started off really crappy, with the car accident as the major downer.

yet as i write this, i reached my sales quota the 2nd half of the month, wedding bells are ringing and i've really finished strong. teng has assignments for me with wedding planning, and we have the major variables locked down... it's those little details that we need to bang out

monday was a helluva day cuz good karma was all around. saw an old friend from old church, reminisced about days gone by, got enough sales to hit my target, and relieved anything else i sell here on in is icing on the cake.

we went to a bridal show sunday and it was very informative, educational, and you know it's Always good when you come away with prizes.. well, teng walked home with a "honeymoon" basket with his/her robes from the crowne plaza sj, champagne glasses, bottle of moet, and the Grand prize... a Presidential suite for one saturday or sunday night with bridal amenities... luck like this, all signs are pointing to this is gonna be a great relationship

thank all of you for your well wishes and congrats: i'm very happy that teng and i found each other. it's such a great feeling to hear from friends, acquaintances, strangers that they are happy for me, and i hope to hear from more of my friends from hs, church, and everyday life: shows that the word got out

match.com gave me to find teng through all the many dates i went on. the last relationship sent me rock bottom, yet meeting so many wonderful ladies through match, it restored my faith that there are good people out there, and i wish them all the best in finding Their perfect match.

i got excited hearing chris webber coming back: when he was run out of town all those years ago, who would've thunk the w's wouldn't make the playoffs til last year. this is no doubt full circle, and for c-webb to play in front of oakland fans to cheers, is something i want to take part in: i remember those days vs sac: the boos, and a genuine hate for him leaving.

i really hated webb after he said something like "i feel sorry for mully, spree, i could've brought them championships". i thought what arrogance to come from a 20 year old, but karma back kicked in with his career that didn't include a ring, and now at 34 (3 years older than me), and not he main guy he was.

i think he will make a solid contribution as a spot starter, first big man off the bench, and i want him to do well; allow me to forget those years of failure and Mr. Cohan's quest to find the right combination to build a winner.

another bad rain storm causes casualties with cell phones: i heard of 2 incidents of people's phones getting wet during the storm. helluva selling point for a bluetooth headset: $50 bucks for an ear phone, yet you can protect your expensive cell phone investment in a purse, pocket, etc. at least a good selling point to put.

i'm riding high cuz i was able to regroup, sell, and fight through those zero days yet hitting quota. in perspective, that's selling Only 2 phones per day for a 10 day pay period. kinda sad, but it's my opinion that the market has changed so much, it's about relationships rather than cool gadgets. people are smart too: they're willing to shell Full pop for a phone if it means they dont have to stay on for 2 more years. nothing wrong with 2 more years, but people want that freedom to choose, and not having a contract is liberating.

i'm very happy with how life has dealt the cards to me... i'm excited about the life i'm going to have with teng, and am glad the opportunity for the wedding. i really want to invite more people, and right now i have people on the list. i haven't hammered out who else i wana add, but i have a few months to play with the list... rc